


Sparks and Embers

by NellieSly



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: ((tags will be updated to reflect future chapters)), Canonical Character Death, F/M, it's complicated - Freeform, lithromantic character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2015-05-21
Packaged: 2018-03-31 14:57:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3982315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NellieSly/pseuds/NellieSly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All of Starbuck's flames die just when they should be getting good. Except one. Maybe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Wedding That Never Was

**Author's Note:**

> Your enjoyment of this fic hinges pretty heavily on at least the barest understanding of the term "lithromantic". Think of my characterization of Starbuck as [the anon in this tumblr post](http://perksofbeingaro.tumblr.com/post/108451572280/hi-i-get-crushes-on-people-and-then-when-i-get)

Sometimes she wondered if Socrata broke more than just her bones. Because parents were supposed to be every kid’s introduction to what romance was, right? Good morning kisses through stale breath and pouring each other cups of coffee, holding hands at restaurants and museums. Parents were supposed to be so in love it _embarrassed_ their children. Hers weren’t, and now she. . . couldn't be. Blaming them seemed too easy, though. She was a frak-up, and it was childish not to take responsibility for it herself. There had to be something wrong with her, if only so that she could fix it by trying harder.

Whatever the explanation, the simple fact was: Kara Thrace couldn’t stay “in love” any longer than Tigh could keep it up to please Ellen. (A drunken confession she wasn’t meant to remember. At least there were pills for his problem.)

\------

It always began the same way: pure lust, a spark, a bullet hurtling down the barrel of a gun. The game of it was keeping that spark secret from whoever had caused it. An exquisite, electrifying sensation coursed through her as she “flirted” in the subtlest possible ways: an "accidental" bump, a glance, a remark that was almost too witty not to have been planned in advance. More often then not, her intended target caught on sooner or later, and flirted back. It was dangerous territory that left her unhinging herself with booze; love was so much easier drunk.

More than once she’d replied to a declaration of love or some other romantic sentiment, delivered in hushed tones over drinks, with, “And I love EVERYONE IN THIS BAR!”

When it was crowded enough, this was met with a chorus of equally intoxicated cheers. It wasn’t even a lie, technically, just a hedge. Loyalty, camaraderie, and the love shared between crew were straightforward enough to express openly. (This strategy was less well-received, however, the time the only other occupants had been Joe the bartender and the XO.)

\------

After Zak, Starbuck was forced to recognize a pattern. Maybe she _had_ really been in love with him (if people who were in love made stupid decisions, would stupid decisions make her fall in love?), but that was five years and two nuclear holocausts ago. Literally a lifetime ago. It was all rose-colored and inconsequential now, considering there used to be more people living within a ten mile radius around her apartment than there were current members of the human race. Who among them had time to dwell on the past at all?

Love or not, her frakked up experiment in reverse causation cost a good man his life. After a long while, a new feeling cut through the crushing guilt. It was a sick sense of relief. If they had gotten married, how long would it have taken for the spark of their relationship to fade into the aether? After the vows, after the open bar at the reception, after the honeymoon sex? Sooner or later, she knew, any amount of domesticity would have bred utterly undeserved contempt for him. And now, for better or for worse, none of that would have to happen.


	2. Out With a Bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Starbuck/Apollo New Caprica flashbacks from "Unfinished Business" (3x9), with added internal monologue. All rights to non-italicized dialogue (c) RDM&co.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to reiterate, I'm 100% not making up anything Starbuck says in quotes. I think you can see where this lithromantic headcanon of mine came from.

For as long as Lee went without telling her he loved her, the spark persisted. It burned not brighter or hotter than it ever had for anyone else, but it did burn longer, which was saying something.

Everything changed on New Caprica.

“Gimme a tour of the future life of Kara Anders."

“I'm not getting married.”

“Well, then - then what's the point, Kara? I mean, you love him, right?”

_You love him, right? Yes or no._

“Where are we going with this, Lee?” _Neither._

“Well, now, that's the question, isn't it- where are we going? I mean, what if this- this is it? The rest of your life, Kara. Is this how you want to spend it? Is this who you want to spend it with?"

She stopped his lips with her own, knowing it would get his mind off of that particular line of questioning (and her own mind, too). They went on for a while like this, kissing and groping at each other like teenagers, reveling in the possibility of being caught, however unlikely. The thrill of it was the only thing that made outdoor sex worth the rough terrain.

\------

Afterwards, still post-orgasm giddy, she laughed.

“Well, that makes things more complicated.”

“Yeah."

“What are we gonna do?”

“What are we gonna do? We accept it. Tomorrow, I tell Dee, you tell Sam.” _Damn it, why didn’t he say “Take this to our graves”?_

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

“I don't know.”

“Yeah, we tell them how we feel. We shout it to the skies.” _Merciful Lords of Kobol, not the f-word. To the **skies**?_

“Yeah, right. Mm-hmm.”

“Well, you… You don't think I will?” _No, I know you will, and that’s what’s worse._

He rose.

“MY NAME IS LEE ADAMA, AND I LOVE KARA THRACE!”

There was nothing to do in the face of this absurdity but laugh. “Calm down!”

“Well, it's not like anybody'll hear. We're in your cabin in the forest, right? I LOVE KARA THRACE! AND I DON'T CARE WHO FRAKKING KNOWS!”  
It was kind of nice, in the way someone screaming their love for you was supposed to be nice. But it had to end. Immediately.

“Oh, you're crazy. Get down.”

“Well, come oooonnn! I'm not gonna stop until you get up and do it too.” _No._

“I can't.” _I can’t. I can’t. I can’t._

“I'm gonna- Okay, here we go again. Lee Adama…”

“Okay, shh!” There was no getting out of this. “Okay. Ka--” her voice caught, and she had to start again. A huge breath for a huge lie. “KARA THRACE LOVES LEE ADAMA!” He kissed her for what she hoped was the last time. She didn’t know if she’d be able to live the rest of her life on sparks, but she decided in that moment that she had to try. She had to marry Sam Anders quick, before she had time to think better of it.


End file.
